Driving Me Crazy
Written by David M. Muench
Do you remember the trials and tribulations of Drivers Ed? Who can forget those wacky films; one about the fictitious adorable teen couple who drank too much and died a tragic death, or the very graphic film showing decapitated, mutilated accident victims (I hope nobody is eating right now) complete with horrific wailing. Amazingly enough, we still wanted to drive after that.
Our generation was lucky to have the professional Drivers Ed course at a local college; with an oval track for "highway" driving, a skid pan, several special "roads" that resembled fast-food drive-thru lanes from hell. Each dilapidated vehicle had special radios in which the "tower" can communicate to each driver, according to the number on the car. For example, at one point while I cruised around the oval track my radio crackled "SLOW DOWN!", an effective command to slow me down, not to mention scare the shit out of me. The skid pan course was equally enthralling, which was a large black-topped area that was kept wet with several sprinklers. The idea of the skid pan was to "floor it" while the Instructor in the car would slam on the brake on the wet surface and I had to maintain control of the car. The good news: I was able to handle the car as it came to a complete stop. The bad news: The car stopped next to a sprinkler stream, soaking my Instructor. He wasn't too happy.
The "scare tactics" didn't stop there. We also had these ancient "simulators" which contained sensors that detected the actions of each driver according to the driving simulation film, sending that information to a main system. The films (a sad scene at that: It was the mid-eighties and the video depicted vehicles from the mid-seventies) prepared us for quick braking, turning, merging, signaling, and accelerating. One day during Driving Simulation, we were practicing emergency braking as the "video car" ahead of us suddenly stopped. As several brake pedals were being slammed down, the "Ha-Ha, I'm So Damn Funny" Driving Simulator Instructor simultaneously dropped a hubcap on the hard floor, creating a cacophony that caused the entire class to collectively shriek, yell, gasp, and/or have an entirely different kind of accident.
The class final was the Extended Drive, which involved driving all the way into Oklahoma City. It was only ten miles or so, but to us Road Rookies it was comparable to a coast-to-coast endeavor. I was first behind the wheel; taking the car all the way into downtown Oklahoma City. From there, another Rookie took the wheel, and to our delight we were fervently given the "bird" by a disgruntled transient as we drove around downtown. To make the day even better, the driving instructor treated us all to drinks at Sonic when we completed our driving.
Today, as a seasoned driver who long-abandoned the "ten-and-two" driving style, I smirk whenever I see a car emblazoned with "Student Driver" decals. I think of all the fun and apprehension that filled me during my summer at Drivers Ed, and how nervous I was during my first time behind the wheel on real roads. Then I'll quickly cut in front of the Road Rookie, teaching them a lesson in emergency braking.
And teaching them to be an asshole like myself and to continue the tradition.
Monday, April 21, 2003
Driving Me Crazy
Driving Me Crazy
Written by David M. Muench
Do you remember the trials and tribulations of Drivers Ed? Who can forget those wacky films; one about the fictitious adorable teen couple who drank too much and died a tragic death, or the very graphic film showing decapitated, mutilated accident victims (I hope nobody is eating right now) complete with horrific wailing. Amazingly enough, we still wanted to drive after that.
Our generation was lucky to have the professional Drivers Ed course at a local college; with an oval track for "highway" driving, a skid pan, several special "roads" that resembled fast-food drive-thru lanes from hell. Each dilapidated vehicle had special radios in which the "tower" can communicate to each driver, according to the number on the car. For example, at one point while I cruised around the oval track my radio crackled "SLOW DOWN!", an effective command to slow me down, not to mention scare the shit out of me. The skid pan course was equally enthralling, which was a large black-topped area that was kept wet with several sprinklers. The idea of the skid pan was to "floor it" while the Instructor in the car would slam on the brake on the wet surface and I had to maintain control of the car. The good news: I was able to handle the car as it came to a complete stop. The bad news: The car stopped next to a sprinkler stream, soaking my Instructor. He wasn't too happy.
The "scare tactics" didn't stop there. We also had these ancient "simulators" which contained sensors that detected the actions of each driver according to the driving simulation film, sending that information to a main system. The films (a sad scene at that: It was the mid-eighties and the video depicted vehicles from the mid-seventies) prepared us for quick braking, turning, merging, signaling, and accelerating. One day during Driving Simulation, we were practicing emergency braking as the "video car" ahead of us suddenly stopped. As several brake pedals were being slammed down, the "Ha-Ha, I'm So Damn Funny" Driving Simulator Instructor simultaneously dropped a hubcap on the hard floor, creating a cacophony that caused the entire class to collectively shriek, yell, gasp, and/or have an entirely different kind of accident.
The class final was the Extended Drive, which involved driving all the way into Oklahoma City. It was only ten miles or so, but to us Road Rookies it was comparable to a coast-to-coast endeavor. I was first behind the wheel; taking the car all the way into downtown Oklahoma City. From there, another Rookie took the wheel, and to our delight we were fervently given the "bird" by a disgruntled transient as we drove around downtown. To make the day even better, the driving instructor treated us all to drinks at Sonic when we completed our driving.
Today, as a seasoned driver who long-abandoned the "ten-and-two" driving style, I smirk whenever I see a car emblazoned with "Student Driver" decals. I think of all the fun and apprehension that filled me during my summer at Drivers Ed, and how nervous I was during my first time behind the wheel on real roads. Then I'll quickly cut in front of the Road Rookie, teaching them a lesson in emergency braking.
And teaching them to be an asshole like myself and to continue the tradition.
Written by David M. Muench
Do you remember the trials and tribulations of Drivers Ed? Who can forget those wacky films; one about the fictitious adorable teen couple who drank too much and died a tragic death, or the very graphic film showing decapitated, mutilated accident victims (I hope nobody is eating right now) complete with horrific wailing. Amazingly enough, we still wanted to drive after that.
Our generation was lucky to have the professional Drivers Ed course at a local college; with an oval track for "highway" driving, a skid pan, several special "roads" that resembled fast-food drive-thru lanes from hell. Each dilapidated vehicle had special radios in which the "tower" can communicate to each driver, according to the number on the car. For example, at one point while I cruised around the oval track my radio crackled "SLOW DOWN!", an effective command to slow me down, not to mention scare the shit out of me. The skid pan course was equally enthralling, which was a large black-topped area that was kept wet with several sprinklers. The idea of the skid pan was to "floor it" while the Instructor in the car would slam on the brake on the wet surface and I had to maintain control of the car. The good news: I was able to handle the car as it came to a complete stop. The bad news: The car stopped next to a sprinkler stream, soaking my Instructor. He wasn't too happy.
The "scare tactics" didn't stop there. We also had these ancient "simulators" which contained sensors that detected the actions of each driver according to the driving simulation film, sending that information to a main system. The films (a sad scene at that: It was the mid-eighties and the video depicted vehicles from the mid-seventies) prepared us for quick braking, turning, merging, signaling, and accelerating. One day during Driving Simulation, we were practicing emergency braking as the "video car" ahead of us suddenly stopped. As several brake pedals were being slammed down, the "Ha-Ha, I'm So Damn Funny" Driving Simulator Instructor simultaneously dropped a hubcap on the hard floor, creating a cacophony that caused the entire class to collectively shriek, yell, gasp, and/or have an entirely different kind of accident.
The class final was the Extended Drive, which involved driving all the way into Oklahoma City. It was only ten miles or so, but to us Road Rookies it was comparable to a coast-to-coast endeavor. I was first behind the wheel; taking the car all the way into downtown Oklahoma City. From there, another Rookie took the wheel, and to our delight we were fervently given the "bird" by a disgruntled transient as we drove around downtown. To make the day even better, the driving instructor treated us all to drinks at Sonic when we completed our driving.
Today, as a seasoned driver who long-abandoned the "ten-and-two" driving style, I smirk whenever I see a car emblazoned with "Student Driver" decals. I think of all the fun and apprehension that filled me during my summer at Drivers Ed, and how nervous I was during my first time behind the wheel on real roads. Then I'll quickly cut in front of the Road Rookie, teaching them a lesson in emergency braking.
And teaching them to be an asshole like myself and to continue the tradition.
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