An Effective Commercial
Written by David M. Muench
I was lounging in the living room portraying King Spud of all couch potatoes with my neural transmitters set to "zone out" while watching a television show. The usual commercial came on - advertising bath soap or laundry soap, I don't remember which one. Then in the middle of that innocuous commercial, the biggest damned cockroach I had ever seen crawls across the screen, taunting me. I furrowed my brow into a classic perplexed look, maybe an unconscious effort to kick up my neural transmitters from "zone out" to "Yo, Potato Head, go over to the screen and annihilate that abomination!"
Simultaneously with my increased brain activity, I blurted out the International phrase of bewilderment: "What the hell?" Perhaps not the most effective countermeasure to a crisis, but appropriate nonetheless. In fact, I was so puzzled by this new development that I was unable to remove myself from the couch to kill that sucker. If a troop of dancing mice starting doing a Broadway number on top of my head, I would have reacted in a similar way. About the time I had started to finally stand up, a man donning an Orkin uniform and wielding a spray bottle appeared on the screen and successfully killed the intruder. As the large bug fell from the screen, I almost expected to see it drop on the living room floor.
That, my friend, is an effective commercial.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
An Effective Commercial
An Effective Commercial
Written by David M. Muench
I was lounging in the living room portraying King Spud of all couch potatoes with my neural transmitters set to "zone out" while watching a television show. The usual commercial came on - advertising bath soap or laundry soap, I don't remember which one. Then in the middle of that innocuous commercial, the biggest damned cockroach I had ever seen crawls across the screen, taunting me. I furrowed my brow into a classic perplexed look, maybe an unconscious effort to kick up my neural transmitters from "zone out" to "Yo, Potato Head, go over to the screen and annihilate that abomination!"
Simultaneously with my increased brain activity, I blurted out the International phrase of bewilderment: "What the fuck?" Perhaps not the most effective countermeasure to a crisis, but appropriate nonetheless. In fact, I was so puzzled by this new development that I was unable to remove myself from the couch to kill that sucker. If a troop of dancing mice starting doing a Broadway number on top of my head, I would have reacted in a similar way. About the time I had started to finally stand up, a man donning an Orkin uniform and wielding a spray bottle appeared on the screen and successfully killed the intruder. As the large bug fell from the screen, I almost expected to see it drop on the living room floor.
That, my friend, is an effective commercial.
Written by David M. Muench
I was lounging in the living room portraying King Spud of all couch potatoes with my neural transmitters set to "zone out" while watching a television show. The usual commercial came on - advertising bath soap or laundry soap, I don't remember which one. Then in the middle of that innocuous commercial, the biggest damned cockroach I had ever seen crawls across the screen, taunting me. I furrowed my brow into a classic perplexed look, maybe an unconscious effort to kick up my neural transmitters from "zone out" to "Yo, Potato Head, go over to the screen and annihilate that abomination!"
Simultaneously with my increased brain activity, I blurted out the International phrase of bewilderment: "What the fuck?" Perhaps not the most effective countermeasure to a crisis, but appropriate nonetheless. In fact, I was so puzzled by this new development that I was unable to remove myself from the couch to kill that sucker. If a troop of dancing mice starting doing a Broadway number on top of my head, I would have reacted in a similar way. About the time I had started to finally stand up, a man donning an Orkin uniform and wielding a spray bottle appeared on the screen and successfully killed the intruder. As the large bug fell from the screen, I almost expected to see it drop on the living room floor.
That, my friend, is an effective commercial.
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Ugly People Getting Lucky!
Written by David M. Muench
Monica Lewinsky is set to host a new reality-based (yeah, sure) show on Fox called "Mr. Personality," in which twenty men must vie for the attention of one lucky(?) lady. The catch, is that all twenty men are wearing masks. This woman must base her decision on charm and personality. She may or may not engage in the "Crocodile Dundee Crotch Grab" to check the man's package, but other than that, it's all personality. And maybe a peek into his wallet to check for a Platinum Credit Card or his checkbook to see what his bank balance is, but after that, it's all personality.
I admit, the premise of the show is rather appealing. I'm getting tired of all of the "Hey, I Don't Have a Single Brain Cell, But I'm Pretty, So Date Me!" shows that have become a prevalent plot amongst reality dating/marriage shows. Finally, a show that's based on the true, unadulterated qualities of what we should be looking for in a person. The "inner beauty" which has become ambiguous against callow and superficial predilections.
And then Shiny removes his mask, only to hear her blurt out, "Oh dear god WHY ME?!"
Miss Lewinsky has also been tentatively scheduled to make a cameo appearance on "The West Wing," but what her role might be is still unknown.
Okay, I just made that one up, but am I the only one who would find that amusing?
Written by David M. Muench
Monica Lewinsky is set to host a new reality-based (yeah, sure) show on Fox called "Mr. Personality," in which twenty men must vie for the attention of one lucky(?) lady. The catch, is that all twenty men are wearing masks. This woman must base her decision on charm and personality. She may or may not engage in the "Crocodile Dundee Crotch Grab" to check the man's package, but other than that, it's all personality. And maybe a peek into his wallet to check for a Platinum Credit Card or his checkbook to see what his bank balance is, but after that, it's all personality.
I admit, the premise of the show is rather appealing. I'm getting tired of all of the "Hey, I Don't Have a Single Brain Cell, But I'm Pretty, So Date Me!" shows that have become a prevalent plot amongst reality dating/marriage shows. Finally, a show that's based on the true, unadulterated qualities of what we should be looking for in a person. The "inner beauty" which has become ambiguous against callow and superficial predilections.
And then Shiny removes his mask, only to hear her blurt out, "Oh dear god WHY ME?!"
Miss Lewinsky has also been tentatively scheduled to make a cameo appearance on "The West Wing," but what her role might be is still unknown.
Okay, I just made that one up, but am I the only one who would find that amusing?
Ugly People Getting Lucky!
Ugly People Getting Lucky!
Written by David M. Muench
Monica Lewinsky is set to host a new reality-based (yeah, sure) show on Fox called "Mr. Personality," in which twenty men must vie for the attention of one lucky(?) lady. The catch, is that all twenty men are wearing masks. This woman must base her decision on charm and personality. She may or may not engage in the "Crocodile Dundee Crotch Grab" to check the man's package, but other than that, it's all personality. And maybe a peek into his wallet to check for a Platinum Credit Card or his checkbook to see what his bank balance is, but after that, it's all personality.
I admit, the premise of the show is rather appealing. I'm getting tired of all of the "Hey, I Don't Have a Single Brain Cell, But I'm Pretty, So Date Me!" shows that have become a prevalent plot amongst reality dating/marriage shows. Finally, a show that's based on the true, unadulterated qualities of what we should be looking for in a person. The "inner beauty" which has become ambiguous against callow and superficial predilections.
And then Shiny removes his mask, only to hear her blurt out, "Oh dear god WHY ME?!"
Miss Lewinsky has also been tentatively scheduled to make a cameo appearance on "The West Wing," but what her role might be is still unknown.
Okay, I just made that one up, but am I the only one who would find that amusing?
Written by David M. Muench
Monica Lewinsky is set to host a new reality-based (yeah, sure) show on Fox called "Mr. Personality," in which twenty men must vie for the attention of one lucky(?) lady. The catch, is that all twenty men are wearing masks. This woman must base her decision on charm and personality. She may or may not engage in the "Crocodile Dundee Crotch Grab" to check the man's package, but other than that, it's all personality. And maybe a peek into his wallet to check for a Platinum Credit Card or his checkbook to see what his bank balance is, but after that, it's all personality.
I admit, the premise of the show is rather appealing. I'm getting tired of all of the "Hey, I Don't Have a Single Brain Cell, But I'm Pretty, So Date Me!" shows that have become a prevalent plot amongst reality dating/marriage shows. Finally, a show that's based on the true, unadulterated qualities of what we should be looking for in a person. The "inner beauty" which has become ambiguous against callow and superficial predilections.
And then Shiny removes his mask, only to hear her blurt out, "Oh dear god WHY ME?!"
Miss Lewinsky has also been tentatively scheduled to make a cameo appearance on "The West Wing," but what her role might be is still unknown.
Okay, I just made that one up, but am I the only one who would find that amusing?
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