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- When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
- Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
- A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
- The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
- Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
- Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
- Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
- You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
- You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
- When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
- A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
- A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
- In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
- The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
- The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
- If you see 100 Winnebagos pull into your camp site, it is easier to turn the road signs around than to pass them all on the next day.
- Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
- While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its huge single blade functions as a canoe paddle.
- If you use the Digital Officer model, beware that it shows altitude and temperature in metric.
Thanks for sharing, Heidi!
