Unplugged & Unmedicated

Attack of the Killer Wasps!
Written by David M. Muench


Okay, admit it. You've all done your share of "Man I Hope Nobody Was Watching Me Be Stupid" moments. Being an equally fallible human being with an overactive imagination I too have done things that defy the laws of common sense.

I was returning from yet another bromidic day at work. As I was walking up to the porch I warily eyed a particularly large mud-built wasp nest anchored next to a window overlooking the porch. I counted approximately five wasps flitting to and from their home - some pulsating angrily (they might have actually been quite content, but I wasn't about to get close enough to see if any of them were grinning) in and out of their nest.

As I stood there transfixed by that spectacle I was reminded of a time some years back when I was stung by a couple of equally "angry" wasps. I don't have any severe allergic reactions to their sting, but I would prefer to avoid the painful sting and itching afterward.

Coming out of my nostalgic reverie I finally mounted the first porch step - never breaking eye contact with that nest nor its residents. Suddenly I felt a strong buzzing sensation on my hip, and I did what any sane-minded individual would do in that situation. I completely "wigged out" and flailed wildly at my hip, trying to annihilate the enormous Amazonian Killer Wasp that had attacked me.

It wasn't until after the fourth or fifth slap did I register my hand contacting a hard object, causing my hip slight discomfort with each panicked swing of my arm. Puzzled, I allowed myself a quick glance down at the besieged area I realized with growing humiliation that I had violently assaulted my pager, which was unfortunately set on "vibrate."

Cursing myself I shook my head with chagrined disbelief and looked around to see if my Departure From Sanity had been witnessed by bemused neighbors. Fortunately for me, it wasn't. I then assessed the damage inflicted on my defenseless pager, checked to see who the bastard was that paged me, and then immediately set the pager to an audible beep.

Yes indeed, after that day I had found yet another reason to abhor wasps.