Fur Factor
Written by David M. Muench
This morning on the way to the gym, my headlights illuminated a cute widdle fuzzy rabbit scampering across the road. Had I been going any faster I would have made a nice rabbit stew on my tires.
I've come to the conclusion that animals don't hasten across the road directly in front of vehicles because they're stupid, they do it for the same reason people bunjee jump, skydive, climb Mount Everest, get married - they love the adrenaline rush. Think about it, how boring would it be if all you had to do in life was to lick yourself, eat vegetation, canned food or rodents, and sleep? Aside from the two tasks that might be appealing to some of you, such tasks will give you a bad case of doldrums faster than you can say "watching paint dry."
So these furry fun-seekers devise ways to make their short lives more fulfilling (and even shorter); such as walking in front of large dogs, rednecks wielding firearms, kids holding rocks, and moving vehicles. What can be more enthralling than that? Sure, some of them lose the game by becoming somebody's dinner or decoration, but many of them "have what it takes" to make it to the Big League. Run with the Big Dogs (slight pun intended). The Olympics of Furry Animals: Hunting Season.
Give a man or woman a weapon with the purpose of killing animals and I'll show you comedy. A co-worker regaled me with a story that seemed to be inspired by Elmer Fudd. Except that one involved an illusive turkey and an inexperienced bow hunter. Summarized he was blasted with wind and a cold rain while he hunkered behind a tree for fifteen minutes. Afterward he had his bow drawn in the direction he thought a turkey would appear, but he was proven wrong and startled when one walked up behind him and warbled loudly. From twenty yards away he pulled back and let the arrow sail effortlessly through the air toward the apathetic fowl. Humorously, the arrow struck a small branch, causing it to ricochet into a tree fifty yards away. The adrenaline-laden turkey happily fled, leaving the bow hunter empty-handed and searching for his arrow.
The next time an animal runs in the path of your vehicle, don't slow down. In fact, speed up. It'll boost their adrenaline level and they'll thank you for it later.
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