The Solo Artist Visits the Theater

The Solo Artist Visits the Theater

Written by David M. Muench

Why do people have issues about going to the movies by themselves? Aside from the fact that such an act seems to delineate a type of loneliness; perhaps even a metaphorical "L" appears on the forehead of that "one ticket, please" individual.

The other day a friend and I were all set to see The Hulk - I even purchased tickets online one day prior to the engagement. The day approaches, and what happens? The friend cancels at the last minute. Initially I contemplate my scenario, maybe I'll call somebody else to go with me; but I don't know of anyone that shares my predilection for The Hulk.

So I sullenly drive to the theater in the mall to refund the two tickets, but then I thought "Hey, why can't I just see it by myself? People do that, don't they?" Sure they do. So I refunded only one ticket and made my way to the snack counter for a medium popcorn and a drink. The fact that I was seeing a movie "alone" didn't really affect me until I was in the large theater, trying to find a good seat to watch the mean green guy.

The normally easy undertaking of located the ideal movie throne was somehow made into an arduous task when I had nobody to ask, "where do you want to sit?" or to argue "no, that's too close" or "that's too far away." I almost asked a stranger where they thought I should sit. I found what appeared was a good spot, and shortly before the movie began another Solo Movie Watcher walked down the aisle and plopped down about four seats from me. At that point I notice that I'm not the only one who is watching a movie alone. I'm also realizing that I have apparently become a beacon to others as another guy walks past me and the other guy and sits down by himself as well.

After that, I felt a little more relaxed knowing that I wasn't the only "single" there. I mean c'mon, if we can watch a DVD at home by ourselves, why should the theater be any different? People that go to movies alone don't have leprosy or SARS. Why, we're cool, normal people just like everybody else!

Then the guy four seats down laughed loudly, made odd guttural noises and gasps throughout the movie. I was like "Oh, great. You're giving us Movie Soloists a bad rep. Stifle yourself, freakshow." I thought maybe those who weren't alone were now expecting me to "perform" some act of oddness. Not wanting to disappoint them, I made a low ululating noise that sounded like a large mammal's mating call. Hey, I watch Discovery. I know these things.

If that wasn't bad enough I had the uncanny luck of sitting in front of a Kicker. Oh, you know the Kickers. They are about seven or eight years-old and have gorged about three pounds of sugar-saturated candy even before the movie started. Once the movie starts, so does the intermittent kicking, fidgeting, and other related inhuman spasms. At one point I had to turn around and politely ask the parents to remove their child from my head.

I successfully made it through the movie without being jeered and heckled about watching a movie alone. No stones thrown, no local news coverage, no organized protests against me or Commander Freakshow for watching a movie without a movie companion. It was actually a pleasant experience. Granted, it hasn't completely broken my stigma of seeing a movie alone, but it put a pretty good dent in it.

** Side note: it's amusing how when two guys go see a movie they have to have an empty seat between them. It's like a symbol of our macho-I'm-not-gay-I-love-women manliness. But of course our excuse is, "Dude, it's just where we put our popcorn." **