Unplugged & Unmedicated

Animal House (A ShinySpeak classic from the jokelist on 7/10/00. Episode 144)
Written by David M. Muench


"G'day mates! I'm gonna jump on this here croc, 'cause she's gorgeous!" Steve Irwin; Crocodile Humper. Oops, I mean "Hunter".

If you would call jumping on and abrading the crocodiles hunting. There's also Manny from the show "Extreme Contact"; a Deadhead grey-haired hippie that also enjoys wrestling with large reptilia, grabbing the dorsal fin of a hammerhead and going for a ride, or hand-feeding baracudas. What happened to shows such as "Wild Kingdom", when all they did was film the animals?

What I would like to see is for the animals to jump on Manny and Steve and go for a ride:


In the ocean.....

Hammerhead: Hey Jaws, you know that dumbass hippie human that's into bestiality; riding on us all the time?

Jaws: Yeah, what about him?

Hammerhead: Well, as he was turning away from me to swim up to his boat I jumped on him! Hahaha, you should have seen the look on his face! Scared the hell outta him! I said "Hey human, how do you like it now?!" He just made some weird noise and flailed around a lot.

Jaws: So then what did you do?

Hammerhead: Let's just say that he won't be jumping on us anymore without any arms! Bwahahahahaha!

Jaws: Hahahahaha!

Hammerhead: You know, they taste like chicken.

Jaws: What's chicken?

Hammerhead: I really don't know. I've just always wanted to say that.


Back in Australia.........


Croc 1: Hey, is that a human leg you're chewing on?

Croc 2: Mmmpffff [crunch crunch crunch] mmm-yeah......

Croc 1: That shoe looks familiar. Is it....?

Croc 2: Hell yeah it is. I got tired of that bloke Steve jumping on my arse all the time and pissin' me off. So today while he wasn't looking, I jumped on his back, grabbed his ears and said "Giddy-UP, chook!" He tried to run but I was too heavy for him. He just fell down and screamed, "Crikey!" I tell you it made my day.

Croc 1: Hahahaha! That should teach those humans to leave us alone. Say, are those slippers you're wearing?

Croc 2: Yep. 100% Steve Irwin skin.

Croc 1: You da croc!

Now that would make some great television, mate.

Morbidly gruesome, but great.