Body Cleansing Thingies (ShinySpeak classic lifted straight from the jokelist, Thu Jan 24, 2002)
Written by David M. Muench
My girlfriend gave me a body cleanser thingy, what most people may call exfoliating cleansing pads. I think. It's my first experience with this showering apparatus, and initially I was curious. I turned it over, poked at it, squeezed it, pulled it, and smelled it. I was like early man discovering fire. I even grunted a few times and bellowed a guttural howl in case a rival clan member wandered into the shower attempting to steal it from me.
Satisfied, I squeezed some liquid soap specially made for Body Cleanser Thingies and started "cleansing" myself. At once I felt sympathetic to the thousands of dishes I've washed over the years with a scrubbing pad. For eons my body has been conditioned to using a soft wash cloth, and suddenly I shocked my epidermal system by using a pot scrubber.
I should have gradually eased into it, like nicotine patches. Start with maybe sandpaper, work through steel wool and then finally to barbed wire. I think the alternate definition for "exfoliate" is "will need emergency skin grafting soon."
But people say it's good for the skin, so I guess I'll keep using it. Although I'm not sure how much use it'll be if the skin in question is shredded and lying around the shower drain.
Then the other day Kate and I went to Wally World and happened upon other such exfoliating pads, though they wanted to call them "Poufs." I thought, "Who the hell are they kidding?"Surprisingly, they were actually softer than mine.
I tried to pickout a nice, masculine "pouf," which is rather difficult, since they're all so darn, um, pouffy. To be pleasing to men, the Pouf should be attached to a case of beer and/or be in the shape of a breast.
Every heterosexual male would keep about a dozen in the shower at one time. Devoid of such choices, I opted for a manly hunter green color; even has the word "hunter" in it.
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